Sometimes all I wish for is starting over from scratch. Erase everything, the most gruesome memories and start over into a new life, keeping my boyfriend obviously but leaving behind everything else.
Great things are currently changing, I am taking back control of some things, making sure my voice is heard and it never felt this good to be alive.
It is hard on some days, living and being alive, staying this way, sometimes all I wish for is disappearing. That are the days on which every picture I rework gets a strange dark hue and I bury myself in work for university.
I already made it into the second year. The last two semesters of preclinics and as everyone says the hardest time in med school ever, but I think I am going to make it. Everything feels better than it did last year. Some things are way easier now and I get that little feeling of freedom on some days. Being completely free.
I think, even though everything else is currently changing, this feeling should stay. Maybe my pictures will get a little more colorful again once I got used to the idea of freedom.