Monochromy for dusty days


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I am at home here.
I don’t want to go back to Germany except for visiting my dearie and if I’m honest i’d rather not visit my parents. Maybe because I came out to most of my study group and a few friends on Friday and am finally allowed to talk about my girlfriend and how much joy she is giving me on each and every day.
At home I’ll be the basic heterosexual girl, not being anything but fitting to the rules and regulations of the family. Shutting my mouth when I am not asked to talk, looking down, being silent. 12 days. Thats manageable.

Do not mistake me – I love my family, but it is so much easier to be myself, to be able to love myself (pathetic, I know) and not talk about the ‘good looking boys’ and ‘future husbands’… It is like a minefield. I told my grandpa once and he is getting Alzheimers recently, means he is talking alot of weird shit but knows certain things for sure. Me being a lesbian for instance. And this produces sentences like ‘look, dear! Fellow lesbians! Do you know them? They look quite good- maybe a future wife for you?’ and I sink down in embarrassment in front of my parents, trying to convince my grandpa, that I am in fact no lesbian but a butterfly. Well no – a straight girl.
And my parents insisting that he dreamed that because – I had a boyfriend (when I was 12) and was never molested or anything like that… So I ought to be totally normal.
Fuck my life. Sorry for that negativity… Anyways: this is my city. This is my home. Come along, visit one of the most gorgeous cities of eastern Europe. You wont be disappointed, trust me.

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5 thoughts on “Monochromy for dusty days

  1. Sorry to hear about the stresses of home. I have no words of wisdom to share, I just wanted to offer the smallest bit of support from out here. Here’s hoping you’ll find your way back to happy tidings soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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